Camp Kansas City: "I'm Tired of Being Expected to Be Patient," says editorialist

FROM CAMP KANSAS CITY:

By Jim MacDonald

When I saw that Californians approved Proposition 8 by slightly more than 50 percent of the vote, it got me to thinking:

Surely, more than 50 percent of the people — in any state, let alone California — know a gay person. That means that there are millions of people who voted in favor of stripping constitutionally guaranteed rights from people who they know.

Even here in Missouri, a similar ban was passed in 2004 by, like, 70 percent of voters. That means that each of us probably knows quite a few people who don’t support full equality for gay couples. Even accounting for those who hold extreme religious views, that means that there are many of our own friends and family who don’t support full equality for us — for reasons that aren’t particularly clear.

What could their reasoning possibly be? I have a few theories:

Theory # 1: The religion excuse. Many people — and I’ve heard Hillary Clinton express this view—say, because their particular religious tradition doesn’t sanction same–sex marriage, that they personally have qualms with it.

Perhaps we should point out to those people that we don’t need their particular churches to give their blessing on whether or not we are deserving of the same legal rights granted by our government to straight people. We’ve found plenty of churches who will welcome us — that’s not the issue. When we say marriage, we’re not talking about the ceremony in a church. We’re talking about the hundreds and hundreds of rights that government-sanctioned marriage extends to any opposite–sex couple who asks for them — regardless of how long they’ve known each other, whether they really love each other, even whether or not they happen to be sober at the time.

Theory #2: The sex excuse. While they would never admit it to our faces, many of our straight friends and family, as supportive and loving as they are, I suspect are still a little queasy over the prospect of two men or two women in bed together. And the notion of gay marriage kind of reminds them of the fact that we are sexual beings like them. Frankly, I kind of get this — the idea of a man and a woman having sex still makes me a little queasy.

There’s one other theory I have. I call this the secret excuse -- that is, the idea that straight people secretly know that marriage isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. They don’t see it as that big a deal that we don’t get to experience it. To that, I say: Let us decide for ourselves!

I have an assignment for all of you: Help to dispel the mystery surrounding why a majority of people continue to oppose full equality for gay couples. Find out where all the straight people in your life stand on the issue. Make them talk about it. Force them to go on the record. If they are opposed, or if they equivocate, help them to understand all the practical challenges faced by gay couples as long as we are denied full equality under the law. Talk to them about how complicated and expensive it is to protect your assets in the event of your partner’s death. If you’re a gay parent, describe the anxiety that comes from the fear that if you die, your child may be taken away from their other parent. Let them know what a burden it is to watch your co-workers enjoy benefits that you don’t have access to yourself. If you’re lucky enough to work in one of those places that will give you domestic-partner benefits, tell them how offensive it is that you must pay taxes on those benefits while your straight co-workers get them tax–free.

I don’t know about you, but aside from being a little pissed off, I’m a little bit tired.

I’m tired of seeing our community take two steps forward only to take one step back.

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